In progress

So far, so good! He’s doing great! Worried we may not be able to handle all sales at end!

Momentum in Milwaukee

Random thought: I think one of my favorite sounds (in addition to Ian’s laughter) is the sound of both “boys” (Ian and Bill) sawing logs in unison in a hotel room. It’s just cute and comforting… and it also indicates that I have a few quiet moments to myself!

Reposted from www.mooreperform.com:

Today we did a dry run in the Frontier Airlines Center while it snowed outside here in downtown Milwaukee. Ian and I are here with Bill at the MTNA (Music Teachers National Association) as he prepares to deliver a keynote address tomorrow morning. While Bill has been working hard to pull all the details together, Ian and I have been enjoying the indoor water park right here in our hotel.

Keynote speaking is different than delivering a workshop, a lecture, or a more typical presentation. Keynotes involve the whole community of conference-goers, designed to be anchors of conferences such as this – to give everyone something to think about and talk about. Bill has been developing the content for this talk over the past three years after he was invited into the world of music pedagogy at the OU Graduate School of Music. That’s not counting the years of coaching and teaching that have shaped his own methods for helping people perform at their best when it counts… in athletics, in business, and now in music!

By observing Bill’s process of preparation over the past couple of months, I think I can safely say that the content isn’t the hard part in keynotes! Fortunately, Bill has worked diligently at this one, has embraced the opportunity to refine his skill in this particular speaking format, and has gotten the right people on his team to help make it a great experience for the participants tomorrow. I think it’s going to be great, and I’m really eager to see it all come together.

The new part for Ian and me will be selling books in the back of the room! We’re hoping to go home having spread the good news that you CAN learn how to perform at your best when it counts, you CAN make practice more effective and more enjoyable, and you CAN become a better self-coach! If we are successful, it will also happen to mean that we’ll be traveling home with with some emptier suitcases come Monday!

This photo of Ian, while of poor photographic quality, reminds me of this new phase of life that we are entering. Bill and I are both entering into new territory with our careers. Transitions such as these can be scary, difficult, and unpredictable. Ian wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to go down this slide by himself or not yesterday. When he finally decided to do it, the first time, he did so slowly, and a bit awkwardly as he slowed himself the whole way down. Today (sorry – no photo), he was whizzing down the big-kid slide solo, and loving every minute of it.

Maybe we can learn something from Ian… BRING ON the keynote and back-of-the-room sales! Wheeeeee!

 

Glorious Snow Days

NWM_7252, originally uploaded by Nicki’s Pix.

I, for one, am not complaining about the snow. I admit – I have loved it. Every minute of it! Having 4 unexpected snow days has been such a gift, especially given the hectic nature of our Christmas “break,” which was not really a break at all! THIS, now THIS was a wonderful break!

Oh sure, we didn’t sit around and do nothing for long… but we played, and baked, and played and worked, and played and cleaned, and played and spent time with each other and with friends to our hearts’ content! We built a snowman, built a snowslide, ate snow, and climbed every parking lot snow mountain we could find. We had friends over on Thursday night, went to a friends’ house on Friday night, and had a mini Super Bowl gathering tonight!

Indeed, it was glorious. And now, it’s over.

Kind of…..!!!!!

There may be another storm on its way!!!

The simple things

NWM_7163, originally uploaded by Nicki’s Pix.

I’ve thought a lot about what I could blog about to kick off the new year. I’ve thought of stuff ranging from discussing all the things I hope to do better this year, to coming up with some kind of consistent theme that would actually weave through many future efforts. Nothing has struck me as blog-worthy.

Then, I uploaded my photos from the last couple of weeks. When it comes down to it, the thing that makes me happiest right now are the simple things and the beautiful moments that are sprinkled throughout each day. Maybe the best thing I could do this year would be to relish these moments that are there for the picking, rather than missing them in the midst of life’s sorrows, worries and distractions.

This photo captures one such moment… it is Tyler & Ian and me playing on the cold beach during our stay in Florida last week. While the week was wrought with everything from the coldest temperatures in 115 years to miscarriage, it was also full of sweet little moments like this one. Thank goodness some are captured in photos, or I might have missed them altogether.

It’s one thing to enjoy such times retrospectively, but I suspect life would be even better if I were more fully aware of the beautiful stuff as it’s happening. Maybe that’s the challenge I’ll accept this year… or at least this week.

Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version, ©2010)

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Mini Coach Moore

NWM_5500, originally uploaded by Nicki’s Pix.

So much to write about… so little time to do it!

Just had to share this photo from the weekend. It cracks me up, especially when I imagine Ian being this little miniature coach. The girls were gracious to pose with him, though they seemed genuinely appreciative of his dedication as a fan. He has seen both of their meets so far this year – the first in Tulsa, this one in Stillwater – and he has gotten “Boomer Sooner!” “Go Runners” and “Go OU!” down pat.

Even better news, is he is beginning to say the Lord’s Prayer with me at night, woke up this morning and without prompting said expectantly, “Church?” and yesterday at a birthday party when a little girl fell and was crying, he grabbed a doll and gave it to her (which did seem to comfort or distract her some). I am blessed to be his mama!

A Blink

It really does “happen in a blink,” as suggested by the Christian band, Revive in their recently released song. It goes like this:

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink

When it’s all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink

Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it’s too late

(repeats chorus a few times)

Remembering this is so important for at least 2 reasons:
1) To really be present, to enjoy fully every moment we have on this earth – the hard parts, the joyous parts, and even the mundane.
2) When things feel particularly stressful or burdensome, to take heart that this life is but a breath in the grand scheme of things.

Ian’s 2nd birthday, which was proceeded by my attendance at the funeral of a colleague’s father who was a WWII vet, which was proceeded by our trip to Louisville to scatter my mom’s ashes… has been a great stimulus to consider time, significance, attitudes, and actions. I’ve had too many thoughts to share them in any kind of coherent way here tonight. But, I think there may be some seeds of thought that could take root sometime soon. We shall see.

In the meantime, I must tell you that Ian had a wonderful 2nd birthday! We celebrated for 3 days, kicking it off on Thursday with cupcakes and my dad attending Ian’s school’s Grandparents’ Day (the kids were hanging all over him when I arrived). Things continued with a small gathering of friends and neighbors on Friday night – Ian had NO problem eating cake and ice cream or opening gifts this year! The celebration went through Saturday with a trip to Toys R Us and a big steak dinner (birthday boy was left at home to nap during the OU vs. FSU game).

Having my dad here was wonderful. That said, the thought was never too far from mind how much his G-Mama would have loved to have even 10 minutes with him at this stage. But alas, Gi-Dah (as Ian calls Granddaddy), is doing a stand-up job enjoying him enough for them both.

Ps. 33: 20-21

Today, I had the privilege of fasting and praying, inspired by a family in Quincy, IL who is pregnant with conjoined twin boys, Jad and Kal. The focus verse today was Psalm 33: 20-21 which reads, “We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hears rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.” As I found out over the course of today, I am terrible about waiting in hope for the Lord! I’m terrible about relying upon him to be my shield, or to trust that he hears my voice. But, this has been a good step, nonetheless.

There is plenty of debate about whether or not one should talk about such things. After all, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for doing such things publicly just for their own glory. In the sermon on the mount (Matt. 6:16), he specifically suggests, 1) that we WILL fast, and 2) that it should be done in secret. However, as the idea was presented to me – to join this team of pray-ers and fast-ers in response to the Mitchell twins’ situation, it occurred to me that this is something I have never seriously considered doing… and I’ve been a Christian for 21 years or so. I could be wrong for writing about it, but I also kind of wish other people had shared their experiences with fasting a little more openly. It reminds me of when I discovered my own racism (not until graduate school). It was a disheartening, shameful experience; however, it was a necessary step toward learning and understanding a little about White Privilege, and about how my ignorance about it has, many times, prevented me from truly experiencing people different than me, and blinding me to the beauty of human diversity. This step helped pave the way for me to acquire an entirely new set of experiences and perspectives I wouldn’t have had without those first difficult experiences. Anyway – I guess I hope that by sharing my (very limited) experience with this today, that maybe it will encourage someone else who hasn’t ventured down this path yet to give it a shot.

So, here’s a little re-cap… it has made me so much more aware of my sinfulness that it is scary. For me, it has been like thinking that you have a small rip in your jeans, but then realizing that you’re actually walking around naked from the waist-down. I remember reading somewhere recently that human growth doesn’t happen when we are comfortable. It’s not like I haven’t had plenty of discomfort in my life the last few years… but oh, how easy it has been when I have had things “happen to me” to take pity upon myself and to not even question the self-centered thinking and behaving that has resulted! I wonder if there is something about actively CHOOSING to be uncomfortable that leaves you in a space where you come face-to-face faced with your sins and your habitual ways of thinking/responding that keep you from growing?

It had been suggested to me that fasting could be a great spiritual experience. Honestly, I expected something a little different… something more uplifting, or something that would lead me to feel closer to God. I think what has occurred has been a necessary process, but oh it is icky (kind of like acknowledging my own racism)! Just a few of the things I have seen in myself today that I had become oblivious to:

• Pride – brazen, obvious pride, self-reliance, narcissism
• Self-centeredness – a close cousin to pride?
• Worldliness – being so distracted by the world that even a strong desire to focus on things of God is not enough to keep me focused there.

This is the short list. Actually, these are things that just KEPT coming up. The moment I would repent of one of these things, I’d find myself right back in it again. For example, I don’t know how many times I thought today, “this really isn’t that bad – just get to the end of the day.” On the surface, this seemed harmless, but in reality, this thought is ALL about me… all about my capabilities and tolerance… this thought contains NOTHING about connecting with and focusing on God! Nothing about humbling myself, worshiping God, focusing on Him, reading the word, etc.

I’m left with more questions than answers today, but I’m going to accept that as a good thing. Questions like:

• Did I do anything for the Mitchell twins today?
• What does this mean for who I am as a Christian, as a Professional, as a Psychologist?
• Why am I afraid of what the next steps are?
• Was the discomfort of not eating anything for more than 24 hours worth what I gained in insight?
• Was I really more like a Pharisee with this exercise today, or was it genuine/sincere/real?

Awhile back, I suggested I might write about “congruence” and “incongruence” in life. This is an obvious situation where the incongruity of things is just glaring!

Tomorrow, we jet out of Oklahoma for Louisville, KY where we will join my family in order to spread my mom’s ashes per her wishes in the ring of her childhood riding club. It has been a year now, and this has emerged as the right time to do this very thing. There’s a lot of incongruity happening with that too, but in the end, I’m glad we are fulfilling Mom’s wishes, and I’m glad we’ll get to spend time with our family. As it turns out, one of the Biblical reasons for fasting is in response to a loss or to grieve. The timing is, no doubt, coming together in a way that only God could plan it… now I just need to “trust in his holy name!”

Reunion

A Happy Reunion

(Tuesday, August 17, 2010) Yesterday evening, we had the pleasure of picking up “Brother Tyler” from the airport, MUCH to the delight of Ian. To report on how that brother-brother relationship is going, as Bill texted me today, “Tyler has a little shadow,” and Tyler is a gracious, willing participant in being shadowed!

I have been a bit heavy-hearted the past few days, anticipating today (Mom’s 1 year “Angel Day”), but seeing Ian run up to and happily embrace Tyler has lifted my spirits considerably. It felt like a little foretaste of what our reunions with loved ones will someday be like in Heaven… joy, pure happiness, wonder, curiosity, security, fun.

Thank you for your prayers, and a special thanks to all who have known and/or loved Peggy.

Eating at Ted's (G-Mama's favorite Mexican Restaurant) in her honor

Another “A Year Ago”

(When I started writing this…) Today is August 15th, 2010. It is Jim Campbell’s birthday… I believe it may be his 61st birthday, because last year, August 15th, 2009, I remember it was a significant

G-Mama plays Pat-a-cake with the birthday boy

birthday for him. The main reason I remember this is, that a year ago… on a special birthday, Jim & Kathy Campbell and Becky (Campbell) Zahn chose to spend the day with my family in St. Louis. As I look back on that day, it somehow managed to be a happy day, even though it was the last day my mom was really kind of with us… able to verbally communicate… able to sit at the table with us… able to enjoy friends and being a grandma.

We didn’t know it last year on the 15th, but she would be gone from us less than 2 days later on the 17th. I’m really glad we didn’t know it, or we may have done something different. Instead, what we did, was celebrate Ian’s 1st birthday. Never mind it was a month early. We all knew Mom was committed to making it to his first birthday, and in hindsight, it was becoming obvious she would not be able to make it to Norman for that celebration, and probably it was obvious on some level that she wouldn’t make it another month. We had last-minute Target invitations, balloons, an angel food cake, tacos (one of mom’s specialties and favorites for crowds), party hats, presents, and friends. For anyone who knows the Campbell Family, it will come as no surprise that “Happy Birthday” has never sounded better in a Webber Home (except maybe when LaMayra, Jim’s sister celebrated with us once or twice)!

Here we are, a year later. Mom is gone, Ian has grown, the Campbells have gone through their own major loss, and it’s Jim’s birthday again. I wish I could say I’m a lot wiser, or a lot more mature in my faith… but I think the best change I can measure is that I think I may be a little more appreciative. While this year without my mom has reminded me of the many times I didn’t appreciate her, it also has made me deeply grateful that I did have enough wisdom to appreciate so many little moments with her, especially over the last 2 years of her life.

I remember some of the wisdom my mom shared during one of our interview sessions that occurred over the course of the last six months of her life. She was actually talking about being a grandma, and about how much being a grandma made her realize how much she missed when my sister and I were very young. She recalled being so busy with taking care of what needed to be done at the time, to really sit back and enjoy what was happening before her eyes. I remember thinking at the time of the interview that I would try to not wait until I had grandchildren… that I would really try to enjoy each moment with Ian now. I think I really have appreciated the moments a little more, per her advice, and as a result of knowing how brief and fragile life is.

I also appreciate having a healthy, involved, incredible dad. This year has been much different for him than he ever could have expected. It has been harder on him in many ways, and will continue to be hard, no doubt. My sister and I have had the luxury of having families and jobs to distract us from

Dad & the Birthday Boy (last year)

our loss. Dad has his work too, but he is the one seeing, feeling, hearing, experiencing the loss every day. I admit that when I run across items of my mom’s clothing, I bury my nose in them to see if I can catch a hint of a smell that reminds me of her. Alas – I haven’t caught one in quite awhile. Similarly, I suppose Dad is aware of such changes in the house, in his life on a daily, or even moment-by-moment basis…making it pretty impossible to feel very normal. AND YET, Dad has really filled-in so many of the gaps otherwise left by my mom! He has remembered special occasions like a champ, sending flowers, a stuffed bear, and even last week a giant cookie from Cardinal Stadium! He has been a wonderful Granddaddy to the boys, all while acutely feeling the loss of his partner in life. Something for me to appreciate for sure.

Happy Birthday Jim-Bob/DD2/GDD2!

Anyway, last year it was Ian’s first birthday celebration, and Jim, your birthday got a little overlooked by us. Knowing you, you probably preferred it to be that way (not the given circumstances, of course, but for the attention to be elsewhere). Today, I am so deeply appreciative of those moments we shared a year ago…

• For the endless videotape of that day, that I haven’t quite ventured to view yet, but am so glad it is there.
• For the smiles, the laughter, the hugs, and the warmth you guys brought to our family that day.
• For the beautiful rendition of Happy Birthday.
• For the Little People Barn that Ian still loves today.
• For the covering of prayer you provided that day.
• For the beautiful song Becky and Kathy sang before you left.

It can be so easy to get caught up in the stressors of life and to be distracted by things that lack any real meaning at all. When I think about a

G-Mama & Ian enjoying each other

year ago today, I’m reminded of the beauty of friendship and the importance of going out of one’s way to be there for friends. Mom’s last real day with us could have been ordinary. Instead, because of you, that day was extraordinary. Thank you, and Happy Birthday my friend!

Home again!

DSC03420, originally uploaded by Nicki’s Pix.

The weeks since vacation have flown by, with many work projects and a couple of writing assignments (e.g., an article for an athletics training magazine), which has squelched my blogging energy.

This week I was away in Dallas for 3 days, while Bill and Ian held the fort down in Norman. The reports back were consistently good, so I began to consider that perhaps they don’t need me quite as much as I thought! But nevertheless, Ian and I made an evening bike ride to the pool after dinner tonight to catch a quick swim. Hanging out with my little buddy is an all-time favorite pastime of mine, and I’m so glad he seems to enjoy it too.